Grooming is when an adult builds trust with a child online in order to exploit them. It usually looks friendly at first, which is exactly why knowing the quieter signs matters. None of these on its own proves anything, but together they are worth a calm second look.
Signs worth noticing
- A new online « friend » your child is secretive about, who they will not really explain.
- Gifts, game credits, skins or money arriving from someone they only know online.
- Being unusually protective of a device: quickly closing screens, turning the phone face down, or getting defensive when you are nearby.
- Being encouraged to move to a private or disappearing-message app where chats vanish.
- New words, opinions or a much older way of talking that does not sound like them.
- Big swings in mood tied to being online, especially around messages from one particular person.
Keep it in proportion. Wanting some privacy is normal for growing children. It is the pattern, and especially gifts plus secrecy plus a push to a private app, that raises the concern.
What to do if you notice them
Stay calm. Your child needs to feel safe telling you the truth, not braced for anger or for losing their phone.
- Open a gentle conversation. Try « I noticed you’ve got a new friend online, tell me about them, » rather than an accusation.
- Do not delete or confront the other person yet. Take screenshots first, so any messages are saved as evidence.
- Use the app’s block and report tools, and its safety centre, to report the account.
- Reassure your child, out loud, that they have done nothing wrong by telling you.
If you believe your child is in danger or has been asked for images or to meet up, act now. Report it to the platform and to your local police or child protection service, and keep the evidence. You do not have to be certain to ask for help.
Their school can also support you, and you are allowed to lean on them.
Related in this set. Reduce contact risk from strangers · Online Risks, Explained